In Light Of Recent Events

No
What do you own
The world?
How do you own disorder
Disorder
Now
Somewhere between the sacred silence
Sacred, silence and sleep
-Toxicity, System Of A Down

Still freaking terrified of going to Uni, and still have no freaking idea how to get there.

But on a brighter note, last night my band played its first gig at Max's birthday. It's crazy, Max's dad gave us a week to learn a song so we could open for Max's band. We still don't have a drummer who can play drums, so we had to borrow theirs which is a little lame. Anyway, after a week of intermittent practices, and having played Toxicity together only about five times we managed to do an okay job performing it.

At least we weren't standing to the sides staring at our instruments the whole time like Max's band, and we have our own singers. The funniest part was Max's dad's reaction to hearing us play. He was not happy that we didn't suck, he probably wanted us to play just to make Max's band look good. He actually came up to me and asked why the hell I didn't tell him I could sing, 'cause apparently he would've snapped me up ages ago. Like I would've joined their band anyway.

I haven't mentioned the band before at all, have I? Well it's pretty much Lincoln and Chris on guitar, Devon on bass, and me and Luke singing. Our drummer will either be Alinor or Emz, depending on who learns first and such, for now we're borrowing Jayden. Also we're currently on our third name, the first was 3791, then we were Obsidian for approximately five minutes, and now we're Jack of Death. I can see another name change in the near future, knowing Lincoln.

Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll.

xx

Merry Christmas

Don't forget your Christmas cheer
'Cause Santa's going to die this year
Santa's going to die
Santa's going to die
Pete Wentz plays in Fall Out Boy
Here's his number, girls and boys
8 4 7 40 0 48 1 and 4
-Christmassacre, From First To Last

It seems to be Christmas again, hope everyone is having fun. Just thought I should write a Christmas blog, haven't written one in awhile.

Anyway, here is my top 3 list of Christmas songs:
1. Christmassacre by From First To Last. What's not to like about someone screaming "Merry Fucking Christmas"?
2. Yule Shoot Your Eye Out by Fall Out Boy. It amuses me how they manage to sound happy with such angry/harsh lyrics.
3. All I Want For Christmas Is You by My Chem. Because My Chemical Romance is the most awesome thing in the universe.

On that note... I finally have a My Chem t-shirt!! Choosing my own presents is so happy-making. I also got Scribblenauts which is an amazingly cool game, and clothes and books and CD's and a stereo and heaps more :D

This is a very happy blog :S

Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll.

xx

Stufflikestuffthatisstufflike

For every piece to fall in place
Forever gone without a trace
Your horizon takes its shape
No turning back, don't turn that page
Come now, I'm leaving here tonight
Come now, let's leave it all behind
Is that the price you pay
Running through hell
Heaven can wait
-Long Road To Ruin, Foo Fighters

So there are a few things I've been meaning to blog about, but I can't remember most of them. Anyway:
1. My mum's no longer in hospital and only one fish died while I was in charge.
2. Devon moved in.
3. I dyed my hair blonde for Alinor's party (which was awesome I should add).
4. I'm not getting anywhere in my uni preparation.

Not much to say about all that really. Today I spent the day cleaning, trying to make more room for Devon's stuff. Didn't make any more room, but it looks good anyway.

Someone should remind me at some point to add some of the writing I found in my old school books to DeviantArt. I keep forgetting and it's really quite irritating.

I could babble on about nothing in particular, to try and make up for everything I forgot to blog about, but then you'd get so bored your head would explode. So I'll just lose the game and leave it at that.

Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll.

xx

Arrrgh!

So tell me what do I need (tell me what do I need)
Whoa, whoa
When words lose their meaning (when words lose their meaning)
Whoa, whoa
I was spinning free
Whoa
With a little sweet and simple numbing me
Stumble till you crawl
Whoa
Sinking into sweet uncertainty (oooh)
-Sweetness, Jimmy Eat World

So tired.

I'm currently looking after 3 kids because mum's in hospital. It's not very happy making, I mean, who has a bath at 6:30am? 'Cause I'm the one who has to get up and run it. Besides, I can't even look after myself. I don't know how to cook. And I keep forgetting things, like putting enough food in the lunchboxes or washing the conditioner out of Nicole's hair. Help!?

In other news, I'm supposed to be studying for exams. Good thing I'm finished school and don't have any exams 'til next week. I can't be in 2 places at once.

Everything hurts :(

Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll.

xx

Blah Blah Blah

When I said "Good morning"
I was lying
I was truly thinking of
How I might quit waking up
-Much Like Falling, Flyleaf

So, I got my little housing situation sorted. Hopefully. Looks like I'll be staying at home, providing the police check doesn't come back with anything.

Two days left of school. I haven't done any of the work I was supposed to do. I haven't cleaned my room out to make room for Devon like I was supposed to. I haven't studied for any exams apart from Calculus. I'm so unprepared to finish high school that it's not funny. I don't wanna grow up!

Actually, on that note, I don't want to do anything. I feel so useless and pathetic, which just makes me feel worse. I'm so tired and I'm wanting food all the time, and it worries me a little considering last time that happened...

Grr.

I give up.

Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll.

xx

Our Lady Of Sorrows

Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me
Hurry I'm falling
-Savin' Me, Nickelback

I've been wondering. What is the definition of suicidal? Because it's not quite the same as wanting to kill yourself, which isn't the same as wanting to die, which again isn't the same as not wanting to live.

Anyway, I got accepted into University accommodation, unfortunately Devon did not. So now I have no idea what to do. Just one more thing to stress about. Yay. I have until sometime before the 30th to decide something. Which is just so awesome (note the sarcasm dripping from those words).

On another note, I've also been wondering if I'm on the verge of anorexia or bulimia. Though if I was I don't think I'd notice, crazy people don't think they're crazy and all that shit. So then I start wondering if I'm just an attention seeker after all, but then I probably wouldn't try so hard to hide everything. So now I'm just confused. After all, according to the people who are supposed to know what they're doing, I'm perfectly fine. Or at least not bad enough for them to care about.

At the moment, all I want to do is escape. I've been reading a lot, and taking it much too seriously. I wish I could stay in the imaginary worlds books take me to. Or stay asleep forever, providing I don't have too many nightmares. Or just be drunk forever, that's more likely to happen, whatever. Am I crazy? Or is life this hard for everyone. Does everyone else wake up in the morning and think about how to make it all go away. Does everyone else think about how they could kill themselves everyday?

Not that I'd ever do it. I don't have the guts, besides, it would hurt Devon (I assume). So I'm pretty much just pathetic. Can't even bring myself to cut deep enough to leave a scar, I feel like such an attention seeking wemo. Which really makes me hate myself. That's the kind of thing that makes me want to throw mirrors across the room when I see myself in them.

Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll.

xx

I Remember Now, 2+2=7

It's haunting me
I'm so alone
I'm just trying to find my way back home
I'm so alone
Alone
-Curses, Bullet For My Valentine

I was going to write about what I forgot to include in my last blog.

I was going to beg for help.

I was going to explain the meaning of 2+2=7.

In the end I'm just too lazy, besides it's not like anyone reads this anyway.

Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll. Or not, whatever.

xx