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Saturday, March 31, 2012

And They All Lived Happily Ever After

Call your name everyday
When I seem so helpless
I'm fallin' down
But I'll rise above this
Rise above this doubt
-Rise Above This, Seether

I'm ending this blog.

I feel that the name doesn't really fit me anymore. I'm slowly pulling myself together, and I no longer feel like a toy. After years of self-hatred and depression I'm getting some real help. I'm on medication for depression and anxiety, and I have an amazing and supportive boyfriend.

I even know what I'm aiming for in life now. Previously I just lived day by day and did things because they were expected of me. Now I'm aiming to go into Clinical Psychology and become a therapist. I'm in my 3rd year of psychology now, and if I don't get the marks I need this year, I'll get them in post-grad.

If anyone wishes to continue to follow me, they can do so on my new Tumblr.

The End.

xx

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Problem Solved

Well I crossed the river
Fell into the sea
Where the non-believers
Go beyond belief
Then I scratched the surface
In the mouth of hell
Running out of service
In the blood I fell
-See The Light, Green Day 

Once again I have an exam that I really can't be bothered studying for, so I decided to write a blog about the things I'm supposed to be studying. Luckily for my readers, this time it's Philosophy: The Big Questions and not Latin again.

Personal Identity: What makes us 'us'? What makes us the same person through time? There are a few main theories. The Animal Theory, we're the same animal; the brain theory, we have the same brain; CESINS (Continued Existence of Souls Is Necessary for Survival), we have the same soul; and stream theory, we have psychological continuity (memories, personality, and stuff) with ourselves. The usual problems include things about brain transplants, cyborgs, amnesia, not having a good definition of a soul, and copies of people. I like stream theory, with the revision that any form of copy doesn't count as you. Oh, and there's bundle theory, which states that we have no personal identity, we're just bundles of experiences. It's stupid.

The Good Life: What is the best life for the person living it? Main theories include hedonism, the best life is a happy one (quantitative hedonism = lots of pleasure and not much pain; qualitative hedonism = lots of higher pleasures); objective-list theories, the best life includes having a bunch of stuff on a list (such as mutual love, comfort, health, blah blah blah); desire-fulfillment theory, the best life is getting all your desires fulfilled; and success theory, the best life is getting all your desires about yourself fulfilled. I like hedonism, specifically preference hedonism, which states that the best life is one in which you're happy because you get lots of the types of pleasures you prefer and little pain.

The Meaning of Life: This one's obvious. There can be no objective meaning of life, nothing means anything in the long run because nothing lasts. Lots of people try to argue for subjective meaning, but that means nothing to anyone else. So, do whatever the hell you want with your life. It won't matter when you're gone, but you won't care once you're dead anyway. Take life as seriously as you want, and make up your own meaning if you feel the need to.

The Philosophy of Religion: Does God exist? The most important argument here is the ontological argument: We can conceive of something greater than anything else we can conceive of; therefore this thing exists at least in understanding; things that exist in reality are greater than things that only exist in understanding; if this thing didn't exist in reality we could conceive of something greater than it (that thing in reality); therefore this thing exists and is God. Just, no. You can't prove that something exists by playing with words (try replacing thing with island). There are other arguments based on the fact that something had to be the first cause of changes, something has to be the 'best' thing ever, and something has to direct all the non-sentient things (such as plants) towards their goals. I don't see why something has to be the 'best' of anything or how it leads to God. I also don't see how evolution can't explain everything else. Why can't the universe have evolved like everything else? Maybe it failed thousands of times before our universe came into existence.

Free Will: Do we have free will, or are all our actions directed by external factors? The general argument for no free will is that society and our environments shape our experiences and therefore our brains, therefore controlling all our actions. The argument for free will is that we can choose what we do or don't do at many points, and could have always chosen a different path. A sort of combination of these is called soft determinism and states that we have free will because we could have chosen a different path if we had wanted to. I think it's probably true that we are slaves of our brains, but that doesn't mean anything since are brains pretty much are us. We can't stop holding people responsible for their actions without the world turning to shit anyway.

Metaethics: Are there moral facts? Basically, are our morals based on anything objective? Some say they can't be because morals are so different in different societies; plus, what exactly could a moral truth be and how would we know what it was? Others say that there are moral facts, that are set by God. I think morality is hugely influenced by society, based in human empathy. We think causing pointless suffering is morally wrong because we know what it's like to suffer (except psychopaths who don't really have morals).

There we go, six big problems in life solved in one blog (obviously my opinion is right /sarcasm). And I deem myself sufficiently prepared for tomorrow's exam.

Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll.

xx

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Letters To People I Don't Know

It's the feeling you get
When you think that someone behind
Is watching you
Well I can tell you now
That someone is me
-Hit The Floor, Bullet For My Valentine


Dear guy who sat in front of me on the bus today,
Looking around, adding to your tag, ducking, then repeating the process was not subtle. There is no way the bus driver could have seen you where you were sitting, so who the hell did you think you were hiding from?


Dear girl who sat next to me on the bus today,
Why do you smell like fruit?


Dear guy whom I often sit next to in Philosophy (I think your name is Morgan?),
Please don't read so fast, I also find DnD rules more interesting than class discussions. Also, you have good taste in games, have you tried the Aether mod?


Dear guy with the cool pinstriped pants AKA Matt,
What hair dye do you use? We have the same amount of regrowth, but my hair has faded to dark brown while yours is still black.


Dear Keef,
Just because you have no social skills, no friends, and no understanding of anything that's even vaguely abstract doesn't mean you don't have to show any respect to anyone. Especially your lecturers and tutors who are patient enough not to kick you out. Why are you taking philosophy anyway?


Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll.


xx

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Tick Tock

The time bomb is ticking 
And no one is listening
Our future is fading 
Is there any hope we'll survive?
Still
We ravage the world that we love
And the millions cry out to be saved
Our endless maniacal appetite
Left us with another way to die
-Another Way To Die, Disturbed

Yesterday I finished reading the seventh book in the Maximum Ride series (Angel), and I've noticed two things:
1) The books get weirder and weirder as the series goes on.
2) The Doomsday Group make a good point

The Doomsday Group is the antagonist in this book, they want to save the world by killing all humans, replacing them with 'evolved' and 'enhanced' humans (genetic experiments). They believe that humans are destroying the planet and that Earth would be better off without them. On this point I have to agree with them. The genetic experiment part, not so much.

To be fair, we probably do need to evolve. We've screwed ourselves over by trying to fix everything and relying on technology. Instead of letting ourselves become naturally immune to things, we create medicines, leaving things to mutate and become immune to our medicines. Where's the logic in that?

Genetic experiments aren't the way to go though, considering we don't know what we're doing, and it's not natural evolution. Humans control enough already. Killing all humans would probably work, although domesticated animals may have a hard time. In theory anyway, I'm no psychopath, I couldn't condemn the people I love to death.

But I wonder which we'll destroy first. The planet, or ourselves.

On that note, go read the Uglies series by Scott Westerfeld. Similar problem, with another unethical solution. Plus he's my favourite author.

Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll.

xx

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Eh

Pain
Without love
Pain
I can't get enough
Pain
I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
-Pain, Three Days Grace


I'm sinking again. And I'm too scared to ask for help.


What if there's nothing wrong with me, and I'm just pathetic? What if there is something wrong with me that can't be fixed? What if there is something wrong with me that can be fixed, but it changes me into something I don't like?


Besides, I hate counseling. I'm no good at talking to people. I can't help but feel like they're judging me, so I lie. I'd rather not have to struggle to explain why I do/feel things for no logical reason. Because they're forever asking why, and I don't know why.


I seem to be scared more too, I randomly start panicking and I can only attribute it to the crowds or my workload. I've been twitching more often too, but at least I don't whimper randomly any more. That was just weird. It's a little hard to function in the real world when all I want to do is curl up in a ball or run away.


I thought I was doing so well. I was actually happy for the first time in I don't even know how long. But no, I'm back to this. Oh well, I dealt with it before, I can do it again. It's really screwing with my Uni work though.


Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll.


xx

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

This Is How You Remind Me

Kills, thrills, and Sunday pills
I'm on a mission to kill
Still
'Cause nothing thrills
I can't help missing you still
Well, I always will
-Hard Act To Follow, Grinspoon

Music is amazing. I could 'show my appreciation' or whatever by doing one of those 30 days in song things... But screw that. I shall just list some songs that never fail to remind me of certain people. Then we can play the 'guess who each of these relates to' game, where no one will bother to guess because my head is a scary place that no one except me ventures.

1. I Hate Everything About You- Three Days Grace

2. Seventy Times Seven- Brand New

3. Wake Me Up Before You Go Go- Wham!

4. Waiting- Green Day

5. The Middle- Jimmy Eat World

6. Your Guardian Angel- The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

7. I Won't See You Tonight (Part 1)- Avenged Sevenfold

8. Going Away- Goodnight Nurse

9. Welcome Home- Coheed And Cambria

Nine... what a horrible number to stop at... Also, yes I know half of them are restricted, but it's not like anyone's actually going to watch them so that's okay.

Okay, so only one of these is a good reminder really, and that one I really don't know why it's a reminder at all. I predict up to three will be guessed correctly, everyone should at least get the first one (well, almost everyone). 72,000 points for getting them all (or 8,000 for each one). Can anyone get more than Hailz's 7,500 points from the last 'game'?

Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll.

xx

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Confessions Of A Broken Doll

Building up inside of me
A place so dark, so cold
I had to set me free
Don't mourn for me
You're not the one to place the blame
As bottles called my name
I won't see you tonight
-I Won't See You Tonight Part 1, Avenged Sevenfold

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

I seem to be going a little blog crazy today. Either that or time is going much faster than you thought.
So, a confession. For most people this would be interesting. For me it's just going to be depressing. But that is what this blog is about so I guess that's okay.

1. You know all those stupid things I've done? Possibly not actually. I'm referring to specific stupid things this time. Such as the excessive amount of three different kinds of painkillers before school, the self-harm, the solo nighttime wanderings, the hanging out in the middle of the road... Well I obviously wasn't actively trying to kill myself, but I was hoping like hell I would accidentally. I'd like to say that my friends are what keep me going or something, but that wouldn't be true. If I wasn't too much of a wuss to try, I'm not sure I'd still be here. I've been doing a whole lot better for the last year or so, but that doesn't mean I'm okay exactly. I still have blades hidden around my room, and I'm not sure if I'll ever give them up willingly.

Well that was a cheerful end to these blogs.

Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll.

xx