Our Lady Of Sorrows

Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me
Hurry I'm falling
-Savin' Me, Nickelback

I've been wondering. What is the definition of suicidal? Because it's not quite the same as wanting to kill yourself, which isn't the same as wanting to die, which again isn't the same as not wanting to live.

Anyway, I got accepted into University accommodation, unfortunately Devon did not. So now I have no idea what to do. Just one more thing to stress about. Yay. I have until sometime before the 30th to decide something. Which is just so awesome (note the sarcasm dripping from those words).

On another note, I've also been wondering if I'm on the verge of anorexia or bulimia. Though if I was I don't think I'd notice, crazy people don't think they're crazy and all that shit. So then I start wondering if I'm just an attention seeker after all, but then I probably wouldn't try so hard to hide everything. So now I'm just confused. After all, according to the people who are supposed to know what they're doing, I'm perfectly fine. Or at least not bad enough for them to care about.

At the moment, all I want to do is escape. I've been reading a lot, and taking it much too seriously. I wish I could stay in the imaginary worlds books take me to. Or stay asleep forever, providing I don't have too many nightmares. Or just be drunk forever, that's more likely to happen, whatever. Am I crazy? Or is life this hard for everyone. Does everyone else wake up in the morning and think about how to make it all go away. Does everyone else think about how they could kill themselves everyday?

Not that I'd ever do it. I don't have the guts, besides, it would hurt Devon (I assume). So I'm pretty much just pathetic. Can't even bring myself to cut deep enough to leave a scar, I feel like such an attention seeking wemo. Which really makes me hate myself. That's the kind of thing that makes me want to throw mirrors across the room when I see myself in them.

Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll.

xx