Love, Hate and I Forgot

Lithium
Don't want to lock me up inside lithium
Don't want to forget how it feels without lithium
I want to stay in love with my sorrow
Ohh
But God I want to let it go
-Lithium, Evanescence

You know how people say that there's a fine line between love and hate? Well I don't believe them. There's no line at all, love and hate come hand in hand. If you don't believe me, then you're an ignorant n00b, and I'm going to have to fix that.

For our first example we shall examine my love/hate of a human. Let's call her Bubbles (pretty obvious who this is if you pay attention to our conversations). For some bizarre reason I love her to bits, she's fun to be around, and you can have really deep talks with her too. She doesn't judge, and even if she's been through worse she'll hear you out and sympathize. On the other hand, sometimes I hate her so much I want to strangle her. She hurt me so badly, knowing exactly what it would do to me. I can look at her sometimes and be ridiculously jealous of her, because she's everything I want to be (I have no idea why). Therefore I both love and hate her.

Next we have my love/hate of night. I love night because it's the only time I have energy, and it's all quiet and stuff. However I hate it because it's cold and I'm scared of the dark.

That was an incredibly lame paragraph. So back to humans. If you call hero worship love, then I love a lot of people. My friends mean heaps to me, no matter what I say. Then again, I'm not kidding when I say I hate everything. I hate trusting people, I hate the fact that they can hurt me because I love them.

I completely forgot where this was going and all my other examples, but in conclusion I am right.

Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll.

xx

Important Philosophical Information

They always told me I was gorgeous in a way
And that faithful day
I found who I was
So fill this hole with my prescriptions
And just keep feeding my addictions
-Friends And Alibis, Escape The Fate

If I had my way, I wouldn't live in reality. I'd live in my own little world of reading, music, questing (as in Dragon Quest), gaming, and occasionally writing. Actually if I had my way, I'd be a vampire with heat vision and such, but that's not the point.

Reality is lame. You get up, go to school or work or whatever, socialize (eek!) and then go home. You spend your life doing stuff for other people, learning things you'll never need to know, and then you die. Seems like a waste of time to me. Once you're dead it's gone anyway. So it seems even more of a waste of time if you can't retreat from all this reality shit. At least in your own little world you call the shots, which means you don't have to do anything you don't want to. Which means you don't waste your life, and you have nothing important left behind when you die. Perfect life.

Of course you could just skip all that and commit suicide. Kinda tempting sometimes. In conclusion, the meaning of life can be expressed in one sentence: Life is efil backwards. Think about it... Or don't, whatever.

Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll.

xx

Look Daddy! I Can Whine Like A Spoiled Brat!

Take away the sensation inside
Bitter sweet migraine in my head
Its like a throbbing tooth ache of the mind
I can't take this feeling anymore
-Give Me Novocaine, Green Day

Why can't I actually be 14 forever? I don't want to grow up. I don't want to move out, or go to uni, or be responsible in any way. You know what I wanna do?

I want to drink myself into oblivion, until I can't remember why anything sucks. I want to learn guitar, and sing until my voice dies. I want to go for long walks under the stars, and sleep through school. I want to laugh at stupid things, even when I don't get the joke. I want to live in my little fantasy worlds, retreating into books and games to hide. I want to be able to cut, and not give a damn who sees.

I don't want to be the responsible one. I don't want to be the good one. Or the perfect one. I don't want to wonder if I have enough money to pay the rent. I don't want to wonder what the hell I'm going to eat. I don't want to go to school. I don't want to be 17, and I most definitely don't want to turn 18.

In fact, I don't want to wake up. Waking up sucks. Like a whore.

Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll.

xx

Because I Have No Life

The Soundtrack to Your Life

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. No Cheating!!!!

I'm also gonna post the first line of the song, 'cause I'm cool like that.

Opening Credits: Give Me Novocaine- Green Day
Take away the sensation inside

Waking Up: Bodom After Midnight- Children Of Bodom
(Hang on) Got to go

First Day At School: Know Your Enemy- Green Day
Do you know the enemy?

Falling In Love: Chicago Is So Two Years Ago- Fall Out Boy
My heart is on my sleeve

Breaking Up: Sunday Morning- No Doubt
Sappy, pathetic little me

Prom: Soldiers Of The Wasteland- Dragonforce
Crossing battles, savage seas, towards the mountains high

Life's OK: Heaven Help Us- My Chemical Romance
Hear the sound, the angels come screaming down

Mental Breakdown: Hey Driver- Lucky Boys Confusion
Sparks fly, I hit the ground running

Driving: Next Contestant- Nickelback
I judge by what she's wearing

Flashback: Fences- Paramore
I'm sitting in a room

Getting Back Together: Misery- Good Charlotte
Take a look around

Birth of Child: Crawling- Linkin Park
Crawling in my skin

Wedding Scene: As You Sleep- Something Corporate
Close your eyes

Final Battle: Tell That Mick He Just Made My List Of Things To Do Today- Fall Out Boy
Light that smoke

Death Scene: Welcome Home- Coheed And Cambria
You could've been all I wanted

Funeral Song: A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Touch Me- Fall Out Boy
I confess I messed up

End Credits: Light Grenades- Incubus
We're given a garden

The Inconvenience of Time and Sheep

I used to obsess over living
Now I only obsess over you
Tell me you'd like boys like me better
In the dark lying on top of you
This has been said so many times
That I'm not sure if it matters
-Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying, Fall Out Boy

So, my weekend is over. I read 2 books, reorganised my mp3 player, did some maths, and that's about it. Time flys when you really don't want it to. Everyday gets closer to next year. Every minute gets closer to me waking up tomorrow. But when you want time to speed up, it decides to stop for awhile. Stupid time, I should throw the sun at whoever invented time. If I was a vampire time would be irrelevant. 'Cause being immortal and all, I'd have forever to do whatever I wanted. And I wouldn't have to go to school.

By the way, I was obsessed with vampires before all those stupid sheep. That's right, I bit people before vampires were cool :P Those stupid sheep will love anything as long as you shove it down their throats enough (hmmm, no wonder lots of them are sluts... If you got that, get your mind out of the gutter!) Although, as long as what I like just happens to be popular, it is much easier to find. For example: black skinny jeans, black in general, anything to do with vampires, colourful eyeliner, etc. What really pisses me off, is when I wore bright blue eyeliner to school I got heaps of shit for it. Yet 2 weeks later, the same people who gave me shit were wearing it. And then they had the nerve to look at me like I wasn't good enough to wear it. I really dislike sheep, quite intensly.

Please excuse the spelling mistakes, this computer doesn't correct them for me, and stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll.

xx

[rant]

Mend this careless thread, its gone askew
(Thread on my sweater is pendulous, step back and pull it
Watch it unravel faster than a speeding bullet)
Or pull and see how much we can undo
-Pendulous Threads, Incubus

Something that never fails to annoy the hell out of me every year at school, is people doing their speeches on depression/suicide. Generally the whole point of the speech is to show that they empathize with the people they talk about, to get everyone else to sympathize. I hate the way they act like they know everything about it and like they understand. The truth is, no one can empathize with anyone else. Because no one has lived someone else's life. Even if they're worse off than the other person, they still haven't lived in that person's mind. I very much doubt that anyone who I've heard this speech from has ever looked in the mirror and then thrown said mirror across the room. I doubt that they lie awake at 2am unable to move, watching every single mistake they've ever made play through their mind. I doubt they turn to pain so they can deal with feeling like their life is unraveling, they have no future, their existence is pointless... Maybe they're trying to help. Maybe they're just trying to spread awareness, or whatever. Nevertheless, it annoys the hell out of me.

Not to mention those ads on TV, the ones that talk about depression and hope. They tell you to never let go of hope, like hope's not the thing that destroyed you in the first place, like hope can actually do anything. They tell you that there's help, there's people you can turn to. When really, everyone you turn to just sends you to someone else, who sends you to someone else, and so on. And in the end you're back with the same councilor who can't remember your boyfriends name. What they don't tell you is sometimes there's nothing anyone could do, even if they tried. They don't tell you that if the medication can't fix whatever is stuffed up in your brain, there is no hope. They don't tell you that if that's the case, it can just keep getting worse, until you're unable to work. Or unable to get up at all.

In conclusion, fucked up brains suck. And even if you have a fucked up brain, you still can't empathize with another person with a fucked up brain. Also, life sucks.[/rant]

Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll.

xx