Things You Never Needed Nor Wanted To Know About Me

She didn't choose this role

But she'll play it and make it sincere

So you cry, you cry

-Time To Dance, Panic! At The Disco

This one was stolen from Ruth, 100 truths about me.

1. Last beverage: Mocha

2. Last phone call: Devon I assume, no one calls me

3. Last text message: Mummy

4. Last song you listened to: Save Yourself (I'll Hold Them Back) - My Chemical Romance

5. Last time you cried: Um, last Saturday night I think

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Got back with someone you've broken up with: Yes, like 12 hours later

7. Been cheated on: Many times

8. Kissed someone & regretted it: Who hasn't?

9. Lost someone special: Again, who hasn't?

10. Been depressed: Indeed

11. Been drunk and threw up: Of course

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Black

13. Red

14. Purple 

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2010)

15. Made a new friend: Yes

16. Fallen out of love: No

17. Laughed until you cried: Many times

18. Met someone who changed you: I don't think so

19. Found out who your true friends were: Not really, I already knew

20. Found out someone was talking about you: Not that I recall, but probably

21. Kissed anyone on your Facebook friend's list: Well duh

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: All of them

23. How many kids do you want?: Haven't thought about it, not many, that's just silly

24. Do you have any pets?: Many

25. Do you want to change your name: I used to, not so much anymore

26. What did you do for your last birthday? Combined party with Devon and Luke

27. What time did you wake up today?: 10ish maybe, I didn't check the time 'til right now

28. What were you doing at midnight last night?:  Talking to people outside The Big Chill

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: My Chem's new album

30. Last time you saw your Mother? Yesterday, at about 6:30pm

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? One thing? I would like to stop being stupid/self destructive I guess, that would fix many things

32. What are you listening to right now: My Chem's new album on YouTube, Summertime atm

34. Who is getting on your nerves now? Right at this moment, no one

35. Most visited webpage: Facebook, sadly

36. Whats your real name: Angela

 37. Nicknames: Ang, Pang (only by Joj)

39. Zodiac sign: Taurus

40. Male or female?: Female

41. Primary School?: Glendale/Pukeatua

42. Secondary School?:Pukeatua

43. High school/college?: Wainuiomata High School

44. Hair color: Blonde and brown

45. Long or short: Long

46. Height: 5'5ish?

47. Do you have a crush on someone?: Ish

48: What do you like about yourself? Uh... My eyes?

49. Piercings: 3 in my left ear, 1 in my right

50: Tattoos: None yet

51. Righty or lefty: Righty  

FIRST:

52. First surgery: None

53. First piercing: Ears

54. First best friend: I don't remember before the age of 3, so I'm gonna say Keith

55. First sport you joined: Netball, it ended badly

56. First vacation: Queenstown I think

57. First pair of trainers: Not a clue

RIGHT NOW:

58. Eating: Nothing, I started this after I finished my corn&cheese toastie

59. Drinking: Just finished my mocha

60. I'm about to: Finish this, then waste more time on the Internets

61. Listening to: Still My Chem's new album on YouTube, now The Kids From Yesterday

62. Waiting for: My Chem's new album, lol do i sound obsessed?

63. I'm feeling: Many things

YOUR FUTURE :

64. Want kids?: Maybe

65. Get married?: Maybe

66. Career: Something to do with Psychology I guess

67. Lips or eyes: Eyes, what has this got to do with future?

68. Hugs or kisses: Hugs usually, this really isn't to do with future anymore

69. Shorter or taller: Taller

70. Older or Younger: Older

71. Romantic or spontaneous: Both

72. Nice stomach or nice arms: Don't particularly care

73. Sensitive or loud: Both

74. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship usually

HAVE YOU:

75. Kissed a stranger: Not a stranger, but someone I had just met yes

76. Drank hard Liquor:Yes

77. Lost glasses/contacts: Nope

78. Sex on first date: Never had an actual 'date'

79. Broken someone's heart: Yea probably

80. Been arrested: Nope

81. Turned someone down: Yes

82. Cried when someone died: Yes

83. Fallen for a friend: Yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: Rarely

85. Love at first sight: Ish

86. Heaven: Not really

87. Santa Claus: No

88. Kiss on the first date: Sure

89. Angels: Not really

90. God: Not exactly

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY: 

91. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: Nope

92. Did you sing today?: Lots

93. Did something illegal?: Who hasn't?

94. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: Back to the 90s, to get some clothes for Ali's party

95. The moment you would choose to relive?: Hanging at the Scenes with Devon and Kimmy

96. Are you afraid of falling in love?: Ish

97. When was the last time you lied?: Don't remember, probably recently

98. Are you usually late, early or right on time?: Early, unless it doesn't depend on me or there's no specific time to be somewhere

99. Would you give your life to save someone else? Probably

100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths?: No, not like many people will see it

Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll.

xx

Why Do I Even Bother?

I'll lock myself alone in a room

Drink until the clock strikes noon

With just a pen, a pill, and some paper

And maybe I will write a sad song

Or another cliche poem

Of the person that I long to be

-Irony Of Dying On Your Birthday, Senses Fail

No matter how good you are, there is always someone better than you. No matter what I write, someone else will write it better. Recently I have discovered that this can be proven.

Let us compare. With Paramore.

First: Lie To Me (Me) vs. Crushcrushcrush (Paramore)

Clearly Crushcrushcrush is better, and they both seem to reach the same conclusion. All I can boast is that Lie To Me is harsher.

Second: Decoy (Paramore)

 This isn't really a comparison, Decoy is what I was trying to write a couple of years ago. I failed so miserably that it never ended up on DeviantArt.

Third: Contradictions (Me) and 1395 Days (Me) vs. Ignorance

Okay, yes this is a stretch. Ignorance is a combination of what I was trying to write when I wrote both of these. That is how badly I fail, I can't find the right words and then end up with something that doesn't at all say what I want it to.

Forth: What Do You Do? (Me) vs. That's What You Get (Paramore)

There are probably a few others that I could compare to That's What You Get, but I think this one works best. They both have the same theme, but What Do You Do? is much too closed and forced sounding. Probably because it was forced.

Fifth: Defiled Princess (Me) vs. Brick By Boring Brick (Paramore)

I actually liked Defiled Princess, until I found Brick By Boring Brick yesterday (go watch the video, seriously). I love the whole fairytale gone wrong theme, but apparently I can't write it well enough. See also Shethoughttheredbeahappyending (Me).

Funnily enough, I have written a song about this problem: Better Than (Being) Me, or alternatively Anyone But Me for the newer slightly altered version. Anyone know of another song about this that's better than mine? I think that would be somewhat ironic. Or at least unfortunate.

Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll.

xx

My life according to My Chemical Romance

Yes, another one. Yes, stolen from Taylor :P

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think! Repost as "My life according to [band name]"

Pick your Artist:

My Chemical Romance

Are you a male or female:

Our Lady of Sorrows

Describe yourself:

Headfirst for Halos

How do you feel:

Disenchanted

Describe where you currently live:

Early Sunsets Over Monroeville

If you could go anywhere, where would you go?

Cemetery Drive

Your favourite form of transportation:

My Way Home is Through You

Your best friend is:

The Ghost of You

You and your best friends are:

Teenagers

What's the weather like:

Drowning Lessons

Favourite time of day:

The End.

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:

The Sharpest Lives

What is life to you:

Dead!

Your relationship:

Demolition Lovers

Your fear:

Astro Zombies

What is the best advice you have to give:

Vampires Will Never Hurt You

Thought for the day:

Honey, This Mirror isn't Big Enough for the Two of Us

How I would like to die:

Thank You for the Venom

My soul's present condition:

Under Pressure

My motto:

It's Not a Fashion Statement, it's a Fucking Deathwish

Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll.

xx

Reality

A long night spent with your most obvious weakness
You start shaking at the thought
'Cause you are everything I want
'Cause you are everything I'm not
-MakeDamnSure, Taking Back Sunday

Sometimes I want to retreat into my own mind so badly that it hurts.

Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll.

xx

Flashback

This is television
Late night television
Scripted with precision
-The Razor, Head Automatica

Reading back on my old blogs is somewhat interesting. It's also somewhat disturbing, and confusing. I seem to have changed a lot more than I thought in the past year.

It's actually a little hard to remember how bad I was for awhile (you know, like emotionally and stuff). I've been wondering lately how much better I actually am, but looking back I am definitely doing better. Like, shitloads better. Even if I'm not quite "normal" yet.

However, at the same time I made some good points back then. Things I still think about now. Such as my complete hopelessness with social interactions. Specifically how I will practically worship anyone who is nice to me. Maybe I'm not that bad, but that is a pretty big flaw of mine.

I also still think this growing up stuff sucks. Responsibility is no fun at all. I would like to live in my little fantasy world filled with gaming, books, alcohol, and such (and also where I am a vampire - yes I'm still going on about that).

Simon (or "Christopher" if he's still going on about it) is still annoying and ignorant. I have also found that there are more Simons in the world than I would like there to be. Yay.

Sheep existed back then too. Big surprise there.

Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales Of A Broken Doll.

xx

What A Cliche

Think you're a little bit closer to changing me?
You're never winning me over
You're wasting time
Think you're a little bit closer to changing me?
You're never winning me over
You're wasting time
Leave me be
-Bound, Disturbed

OMG!! I have free time. Now I don't know what to do... Hence the blogging. Exams went okay, I think. Got my last assignments back, B for Classics which is better than expected, B+ for Latin which is good I suppose. It's not as good as my many A-s, As, and A+s :( Of course it's also not as bad as that B- I got on the last Classics assignment.

Anyway, enough about boring Uni stuff. Not sure what else to say so I will refer to my list of stuff to write about. I suppose it's a little too late to write about the combined 18th since that was last month, but I will mention that it was amazing and I have decided that maybe birthdays aren't as horrible as I keep saying they are.

Instead I will complain, once again, about conformism. Specifically those annoying herds of people who do everything the TV expects of them. Like drool over Justin Bieber (is that how you spell it?), who can not possibly be 16.

A few years ago I started wearing 'electric blue' eyeliner to school. I got abused for it daily, especially by one particular girl (why she was in my form class every day when even the people who were meant to be there didn't show up is beyond me) who continually why I would wear blue eyeliner when it looked so stupid. A month later blue eyeliner started appearing in music videos. That's when that same girl showed up to school wearing blue eyeliner, among many other sheep. Of course now the problem wasn't that I looked stupid with blue eyeliner, it was that I had no right trying to be cool by wearing it. That's when I gave up, it's not possible to talk some sense into those people. I learnt that from the last time something like that had happened.

During that same year we were allowed to listen to music in English. Most of the time it was the same old crap that appears on the top 40, but every now and then my friends and I were able to commandeer the radio and listen to Panic! at the Disco. Unfortunately our music wasn't allowed to be turned up loud enough for us to hear it across the room. Never mind that what they liked got blasted all through E block. But that's not the point, the point was that they clearly didn't like Panic!. Then Panic! appeared on the top 40, and they decided that since this one song had a music video, it was obviously good enough to blast like the rest of their music. Only that song though, on repeat. It took approximately one day to get tired of that song, so we tried to get them to listen to a different track. No luck for the rest of the week. Then that track also hit the top 40, and suddenly it was also good enough to blast on repeat. See a pattern here? Apparently music video = good music.

In conclusion, New Zealand really is full of sheep.

Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll.

xx

non cupio studere...

I should've done something
But I've done it enough
By the way your hands were shaking
I'd rather waste my time with you
I should've said something
But I've said it enough
By the way my words are fading
I'd rather waste my time with you
-Blue And Yellow, The Used

...So instead I shalt blog. Not about any of those topics I promised, as I am much too lazy. Therefore I shall just take a leaf out of Hailz' book and share some random thoughts of today.

1. There was a guy sitting in front of me in psyc playing snake on his phone, instead of checking his Facebook like everyone else does. WIN!
2. Who would have guessed that a lecture on Positive Psychology could be so depressing?
3. Does using Latin on Facebook count as studying? I only have to learn four pages of verbs and their forms by Friday.
4. I think I'm addicted to blogs.
5. I have recently discovered that being anywhere near the oldest of my younger brothers makes me feel like throwing up because he creeps me out so much, this disturbs me somewhat.
6. Vampires and faeries are cool, providing they are the kind that torture/eat/kill people. Otherwise they are boring. Go read Tithe or something.
7. Being a member on RuneScape is much less entertaining if you have absolutely no time to play.
8. I really should get some sort of ID sorted, or being 18 isn't going to mean anything.
9. Devon just made me lose The Game.
10. I really just wanted to get to 10, I have no interesting thoughts at all.

Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll.

xx

Really?

The only thing worse than not knowing
Is you thinking that I don't know
I'm just having another episode
I just need a stronger dose
-7 Minutes In Heaven, Fall Out Boy

OMFG!! Today is making me question EVERYTHING!! I'm so confused. So confused that I opened this blog with a song by a band that I've already used to open with. That's just crazy.

First, while listening to the CD me and Devon got yesterday (Fall Out Boy, From Under The Cork Tree) I heard a song that I DID NOT KNOW!! You have no idea how weird that is, I have every song by Fall Out Boy up to Infinity On High on my lap top hard-drive. HOW DO I NOT KNOW THIS SONG? If you were wondering, the song was the one I opened with, 7 Minutes In Heaven. Which I know I've listened to, and it's not like I've never heard the CD before. What the fuck?

Then while checking my Facebook, I noticed a group that Hailz had joined. "I thought the numbers on the toaster were a heat setting". And guess what, it's not. The numbers are minutes. MINUTES. How obvious is that, for me to not know? That's nuts! So now I start to question reality. I start yelling that today is not normal and I'm just so fucking confused.

Eventually I calm down and check Blackboard before I get started on my work. I go to the discussion board like every other day, expecting to see the many posts questioning the assignment on the PSYC121 board, that turn up every day. THERE ARE NONE!! Zero. Nothing. Zilch. There are less posts than the number 1. There are less posts than there are streakers at the average high school badminton game. Now I don't even know what's real. Do I even exist? Is life just some sick joke, they make me expect certain things, give me a routine, and then KILL IT?!

What the hell. There aren't even words to describe how absolutely wrong today is. sdtfg7sxhdbyu7das6fct xzysfgyktksyrestkguyfg.

EDIT: And now I'm being told I can't use ! in my post label :| GRFGERYGYGJGSYTHSTFHGY????!!!

Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll.

xx

Completely Pointful

You're always on display
For everyone to watch and learn from
Don't you know by now
You can't turn back
'Cause this road is all you'll ever have
-Fences, Paramore

Okay, once again it's been awhile since I wrote one of these, but since I'm kinda short on time this isn't going to be a real blog anyway. I thought I'd just write something for the sake of it, and tell you a few topics I may rant/write about in the future.

1. Homophobia
2. Conformism
3. Feminism
4. Latin
5. Public transport
6. Social networking sites
7. Uncomfortable clothes/makeup
8. The band
9. Photos vs. videos
10. The art of unfinishing
11. Useless bags
12. RuneScape

Well that's all I could think of while waiting for PSYC121 yesterday when I was meant to be studying. I have to go brush my teeth now.

Oh, and I can legally buy alcohol on Thursday!! And I get cake :D

Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll.

xx

The Bizarre, The Latin Lectures, and Runescape

I know who I am, but who are you?
You're not looking like you used to
You're on the other side of the mirror
So nothing's looking quite as clear
Thank you for turning on the lights
Thank you, now you're the parasite
I didn't think you had it in you
And now you're looking like I used to
-Sunday Morning, No Doubt

Okay, so I had a somewhat interesting topic to rant about. But now I can't remember it. So instead I'll babble on about nothing because I've decided I should probably say something at least.

So anyway, Uni is okay. Can't be bothered with the actual work part... But the lectures are generally interesting. And on the odd occasion when Devon crashes my lectures the whole day is pretty interesting. So how do you feel about fitting approximately 600 million animals on a boat? With enough stuff to feed them all aswell? Plus all of the plants.

On another note, who the hell writes 800 word introductions?

What I really need to do is write down some of the bizarre things that people write on the desks and toilet doors. And maybe some of the less bizarre ones too. Bizarre is a bizarre word. It amazes me how many people still go on about Twilight at Uni, n00bs.

Oh, I know what to write about. My Latin lecturer is completely nuts. At least in my opinion anyway. I swear, every lecture he goes completely off topic and goes on and on about something completely irrelevant until I forget what we were meant to be doing in the first place. I may have to write down some of the stuff he says too. For now though, here are some of his favourite topics:
1. Germans/Germany- This actually scares me. So far I have learned that it is impossible to speak German and be an idiot, German trains are always on time, and the Germans do everything right.
2. Children- Apparently he hates them, enough to tell us pretty much every day. So far I have learned that they shouldn't be considered as people, and maybe used as slaves.
3. The word 'puer'- Simply, it means 'boy' in Latin. But we got a lesson on how the plural 'pueri' can be used for males and females, it's an insult and what slaves are called, and then we learnt what people were called at each stage of life and how a baby wasn't a person until the father acknowledged it (if he didn't then the baby would be left somewhere for Jupiter to take care of).
4. Differences between Britain and America- As in, what you read first when learning Latin, and such. He knows we're in New Zealand right? And that ain't isn't a word? And we don't roll our rs, we're not all Southlanders you know!

I'm bored now. Go away so I can play RuneScape (mem again! Yay :D) By the way, if you haven't seen Alice in Wonderland go see it right now. It's like awesomeness in a box, but without the box.

Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll.

xx

In Light Of Recent Events

No
What do you own
The world?
How do you own disorder
Disorder
Now
Somewhere between the sacred silence
Sacred, silence and sleep
-Toxicity, System Of A Down

Still freaking terrified of going to Uni, and still have no freaking idea how to get there.

But on a brighter note, last night my band played its first gig at Max's birthday. It's crazy, Max's dad gave us a week to learn a song so we could open for Max's band. We still don't have a drummer who can play drums, so we had to borrow theirs which is a little lame. Anyway, after a week of intermittent practices, and having played Toxicity together only about five times we managed to do an okay job performing it.

At least we weren't standing to the sides staring at our instruments the whole time like Max's band, and we have our own singers. The funniest part was Max's dad's reaction to hearing us play. He was not happy that we didn't suck, he probably wanted us to play just to make Max's band look good. He actually came up to me and asked why the hell I didn't tell him I could sing, 'cause apparently he would've snapped me up ages ago. Like I would've joined their band anyway.

I haven't mentioned the band before at all, have I? Well it's pretty much Lincoln and Chris on guitar, Devon on bass, and me and Luke singing. Our drummer will either be Alinor or Emz, depending on who learns first and such, for now we're borrowing Jayden. Also we're currently on our third name, the first was 3791, then we were Obsidian for approximately five minutes, and now we're Jack of Death. I can see another name change in the near future, knowing Lincoln.

Stay tuned for more Pathetic Tales From A Broken Doll.

xx